Building the Nest

A very sweet friend at work encouraged me to start giving quick blog updates on the things I am doing to prepare for our baby.  My first thought was that would be great if I were actually preparing.  I have wanted to prepare.  I have wanted to run to Babies R US and register, have showers, build a nursery, act like an expectant mommy, but in the end I have been paralyzed by fear and doubts. I have done nothing to prepare.
Today I was reading John 20:29 "Then Jesus told him, "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."
Choosing to believe without seeing has been easy for me in regards to my faith in Jesus as the son of God, but when it comes to believing that God will bless us with a family my inner dialogue has been "I won't believe it until I see it." I have been quietly telling God- you will have to prove it to me before I will believe.  I have been functioning under the lie that if I start preparing for this baby then I will have to wait longer, or even worse it will never happen. Your actions reflect what you truly believe.
It was obvious to me this morning that I am still not truly trusting that God can and will provide us with a child.  If I believed that then I would be preparing for what I cannot see, but what I know is going to come.  So, I decided that I have to take a leap of faith and start living like this is going to happen.  To believe and with true belief take action.  So today I didn't just jump, I leaped off the mountain!
Nesting step #1 was subscribing to a parenting magazine for adoptive families!  I cannot wait to read and prepare to be the best mom I can be.  I also made a wish list on amazon of the books that we want to read to our sweet little one to help them understand God's plan for their adoption. If you are curious, here is the link http://amzn.com/w/1HM8WPJBL490N. 
I am going to act as if I believe, and through that I am hoping God will help heal my unbelief.  I will update as I slowly add twigs to the nest!