Relentless Hope

It has been a long time since I have blogged.  I have noticed that the length of time between each blog has become increasingly long.  I was thinking about that today and I believe that is because the original intention of this blog has changed.  The broken person that first began blogging is vastly different than the woman that I am today.  The story that originally was being written has been not necessarily resolved, but taken a turn towards being healed.

This blog started as a place for me to deal with the pain of infertility and how that pain affected everything in my life, but that pain mostly affected the way that I viewed God.  Looking back on old entries I can see my struggle to reconcile a loving God with a bad circumstance. 

Thankfully, God used that pain in my life to reveal the shifting sand that my faith was built on.  He also revealed that I was putting my hope in everything but Him.  Once all of that crud was removed I was left to rebuild my faith and re place my hope.  God graciously came along side of me and loved me to a place where I intimately know Him and depend on Him. I understand God's character in a way that I never did.  I now understand that what Satan means for evil, God always uses for our good.  I understand that God's character and goodness have nothing to do with my circumstance, and that in the midst of pain God is right beside me.  I have hope in Him alone.  I know that in ALL things God is good, I know that deep in the core of my soul. 

I have the peace that comes when you know that no matter what you face God is good and God is with you.  I wouldn't change what I have learned for anything.  I have also learned perspective.  The pain that I have experienced in my life is nothing in comparison to the challenges and pain my brothers and sister in Christ face all over the world.  Many people would take my pain in exchange for theirs any day.  All of that to say, I think the focus of this blog is due to shift.  I am in an intense time of learning.  Growing.  God is creating in me a fierce passion for Him.  I am in fact learning at such a rapid pace that taking time to put the lessons into words has been difficult.  Thus the long break in blogging.

On to lesson 1, which by the way I will always be in the process of learning, so summarizing it in a few sentences will NOT do it justice.  As I said before, I am learning to hope in God alone.  He is building in me a relentless hope.  One that is fierce and full of persistence. He is using a book called Relentless Hope to aid me in that growth.  I am learning about the faith of others that are willing to grow to the point where they believe that there is no circumstance in which God can't use the circumstance for His glory and our greater good.  People who knew that their calling to the mission field would bring their death, not maybe, but most certainly bring death, but had relentless hope in the eternal reward waiting for them.  " Not casual hope, not hope when it is convenient, but a relentless, barreling toward it, life-changing, deal-breaking, kind of hope".  God has been relentless about healing my wounds and coming after my heart even when I wasn't trusting in him, even when I grossly misunderstood His character.  Through that relentless love He is demonstrating to me a way to have relentless faith and hope.

Lesson #2, God is most certainly right in the midst of my storms.

Matthew 8:23-27
^" Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him.  Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm.
The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”"

Some of the disciples were fisherman.  They had probably been in many a boat when storms came up- and until this point they had always been able to handle those storms.  The disciples also had been living life with Jesus- they had seen the miracles, and knew his character, yet we find them freaking out in the middle of a storm questioning what Jesus is doing and if He can save them.  I just heard a sermon preached on this passage and it was so simple, and yet so hard to practice.  I am just like those disciples, in the midst of the storm, I totally forget who Jesus is and where He is, especially when my own efforts fail.  I constantly have to re learn that Jesus is in the boat.  He is not on the shore watching me flail and scream for help.  He is in my boat- smack dab in the middle of my storm with me.  Lest I forget- He is more than able to calm every wave, because all of life is obedient to Him. There is nothing in which God cannot control and use for my good.  Whether God chooses to calm my storm or take my life by storm, He is God and He is good. 

I am so thankful that this blog is due for a turn on my journey.  Without the journey of pain chronicled before this I would not be where I am today.