Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
The clay pot
Let me start off by saying that the last few weeks have been filled with so much emotion that I haven't been able to process them into words. I have been thinking about what I wanted to share on my blog and how to make sense of everything, but I just couldn't muster the energy to type them out in words. I was on my way to work late last night and was listening to worship music in the car. In that still quiet moment God renewed me just enough to be able to share with you what I have been learning.
Dave and I went on a high school retreat last weekend with our youth and like many other times I went into it expecting for the youth to get a lot out of it. And then, as usual God spoke directly to my heart. We were reading in Isaiah during the morning session and words knocked a hole through my heart: Isaiah 45:9-11
“What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator. Does a clay pot argue with its maker? Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, ‘Stop, you’re doing it wrong!’ Does the pot exclaim, ‘How clumsy can you be?’ How terrible it would be if a newborn baby said to its father,‘Why was I born?’ or if it said to its mother, ‘Why did you make me this way?’” This is what the Lord says— the Holy One of Israel and your Creator: “Do you question what I do for my children? Do you give me orders about the work of my hands?"
I read this again during my quiet time and the shame I felt was overwhelming. How many times during this process trying to have a family have I looked up to my creator and said why did you make me this way? Why are you doing this? You aren't doing it right! How much will you put me through? Please do this my way! I am that clay pot staring back at my maker and telling him how to write my story. I am that clay saying "No, mold me this way! " Do I not trust the work of my fathers hands? I confessed immediately and settled in my heart right there in the middle of a strangers dorm room that I will try not to ever question my fathers will and workmanship. So that leads me to Monday.....
Who knew that I would be called to put that into action the very next Monday? God probably did. It is amazing how He prepares us. We had our initial home study interview and to say that it didn't go as planned would be an understatement. Our social worker thought that the meeting was at another location and wasn't there when we got there, we found out that they made a mistake and we started our home study paper work before we had our class and that no one is supposed to do that, and then we were faced with the possibility of a very long wait. We were told that if we didn't "consider more options " we should expect to wait a very long time. Crushing. I left that office saying what just happened? I was so disheartened. So tired of things being hard. So over facing one road block after another. So ready to be a mom. So depressed.
Here is where the rubber meets the road. I sat in my car last night saying God I trust the works of your hands. I would rather live a life that is how you crafted it than the life I think you should have crafted. If you want us to wait for years I will. If you want to change our plans I will go. My heavenly father loves me so much that He crafts each stroke of my life with such attention to detail. Oh how he loves us. How could the clay possibly know what it's masterpiece should look like?
We have our individual interviews this Monday. Our class is April 23rd, and then our home visit should be the last week in April. After that we begin the wait. I am more willing than ever to wait on God's masterpiece for my life.
Dave and I went on a high school retreat last weekend with our youth and like many other times I went into it expecting for the youth to get a lot out of it. And then, as usual God spoke directly to my heart. We were reading in Isaiah during the morning session and words knocked a hole through my heart: Isaiah 45:9-11
“What sorrow awaits those who argue with their Creator. Does a clay pot argue with its maker? Does the clay dispute with the one who shapes it, saying, ‘Stop, you’re doing it wrong!’ Does the pot exclaim, ‘How clumsy can you be?’ How terrible it would be if a newborn baby said to its father,‘Why was I born?’ or if it said to its mother, ‘Why did you make me this way?’” This is what the Lord says— the Holy One of Israel and your Creator: “Do you question what I do for my children? Do you give me orders about the work of my hands?"
I read this again during my quiet time and the shame I felt was overwhelming. How many times during this process trying to have a family have I looked up to my creator and said why did you make me this way? Why are you doing this? You aren't doing it right! How much will you put me through? Please do this my way! I am that clay pot staring back at my maker and telling him how to write my story. I am that clay saying "No, mold me this way! " Do I not trust the work of my fathers hands? I confessed immediately and settled in my heart right there in the middle of a strangers dorm room that I will try not to ever question my fathers will and workmanship. So that leads me to Monday.....
Who knew that I would be called to put that into action the very next Monday? God probably did. It is amazing how He prepares us. We had our initial home study interview and to say that it didn't go as planned would be an understatement. Our social worker thought that the meeting was at another location and wasn't there when we got there, we found out that they made a mistake and we started our home study paper work before we had our class and that no one is supposed to do that, and then we were faced with the possibility of a very long wait. We were told that if we didn't "consider more options " we should expect to wait a very long time. Crushing. I left that office saying what just happened? I was so disheartened. So tired of things being hard. So over facing one road block after another. So ready to be a mom. So depressed.
Here is where the rubber meets the road. I sat in my car last night saying God I trust the works of your hands. I would rather live a life that is how you crafted it than the life I think you should have crafted. If you want us to wait for years I will. If you want to change our plans I will go. My heavenly father loves me so much that He crafts each stroke of my life with such attention to detail. Oh how he loves us. How could the clay possibly know what it's masterpiece should look like?
We have our individual interviews this Monday. Our class is April 23rd, and then our home visit should be the last week in April. After that we begin the wait. I am more willing than ever to wait on God's masterpiece for my life.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
out of inspiration
I feel like I should update our blog since it has been over a week, but for the first time in a while I don't feel like writing. It has been a long week or so. I am tired. I have prayed more than I have in a long time, but for whatever reason couldn't make myself take the time to open the word. I feel the need to focus on asking God to move. Really, begging God to move. There are situations in our ministry right now and in our life that we need God to move in. We need God to show up in BIG ways and change what seems impossible. We need God to show to everyone that He is alive, active, and in control. I believe it. I truly do, down to the core of my being. I know God cares for us and hears our cries. The problem is I just don't know what the answers will look like. Guess that is again where faith comes in, trusting in the answer that you don't know yet. But knowing that the answer will be God's best for you and that He will help you accept whatever the answer is. I have been so burdened for the people in our life, so broken for them, so in need of God to repair them. I want them to be a story that shows God's ability to repair. I just ask that you would pray for the same thing. Pray that they would know the amazing power of God's ability to heal and restore.
On a side note we have our initial home study interview on Monday the 22nd. So, we will finally start moving forward again. Recently that has been the last thing on my mind, but I am happy to regain focus on growing our family and actually be able to participate in some more steps that will allow us to do that. Dave will finish his last class before student teaching in May (praise GOD)!, and I am just trying to keep up energy to work and run our household. The blessing is that when others around us are falling apart God has helped us be in a time of strength so that we can pour out and minister. Thankful for that.
On a side note we have our initial home study interview on Monday the 22nd. So, we will finally start moving forward again. Recently that has been the last thing on my mind, but I am happy to regain focus on growing our family and actually be able to participate in some more steps that will allow us to do that. Dave will finish his last class before student teaching in May (praise GOD)!, and I am just trying to keep up energy to work and run our household. The blessing is that when others around us are falling apart God has helped us be in a time of strength so that we can pour out and minister. Thankful for that.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Storms
I am finding that I look forward to this moment on a regular basis. The moment where I sit down with my cup of coffee and start to blog. It helps me reflect on what God is teaching me. It helps me put in to words what I am feeling, and it has helped me realize that I have a heart for sharing what God is doing in my life! It is my own personal little place of healing and growth. Who would have ever thought that God would choose to use the tool of blogging to reach me- I guess God would have.
I have been reading through 1 Peter in my quiet times, and as I have posted earlier a lot of 1 Peter is about suffering and trial. Trial and suffering are two things very close to my heart. I understand that might sound strange, but I am going to explain.
This weekend in the midst of a wedding celebration I ran into an old friend, and right there at the reception we began to talk about the storm that she has been walking through in her life. She has been struggling with the storm of infertility and miscarriage. I was moved by the pain she was going through. A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with a co-worker about her husband's diagnosis of kidney failure and his treatment options. I was struck by the storm ahead of her and by the overwhelming need to support her. I sat at church this morning and watched people tear up as our pastor preached on, what else, storms!! I thought about what the pain in their lives might be.
See, storms, pain, and suffering happen to us all. We are either coming out of a storm, going into a storm, or are in the middle of a storm. At this point it looks depressing, but what moves me about storms is Jesus in the midst of them.
I have never known the heart of Jesus more than when I have been in the middle of a storm. We read in Matthew 7: 24-27 today. "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash." My house before suffering was built on sand, but after the first storm of life came and knocked it down God has been slowly rebuilding it on rock. I finally have faith that can withstand the storms of life. What happens to the people who don't have that faith?
We then looked at Matthew 8: 24-26 "Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm."
Just one chapter before God was warning us to build our faith on rock and not on sand, so that we are safe in the storms. The next chapter blew me away. First of all, the storm came without warning- isn't that just like life? We think we are smooth sailing and then out of no where life throws you a curve ball and you are in the middle of a storm you didn't see coming. Jesus is physically with the disciples at this point, and they think He is going to sleep right through their storm and they panic! Doubt immediately follows. Isn't that just like me? But what Jesus does next is the miracle- in one second he makes it- completely calm. Probably with just one word.
So, what this left me with was a burning desire to share the Jesus that is with me with others. I have been asking myself why it is easier for me to share my faith now? Because I have been through storms, and I have been with Jesus, and with a word he has completely calmed my soul. What do people do who don't have that? Where do they turn when their faith that is built on sand is destroyed and they are left facing the storm alone? I want so badly for people to know the Jesus that I have met. Being a believer and knowing Jesus intimately doesn't promise that there will not be storms. But being in a storm with Jesus is quite amazing, and the only way I can survive.
I have been moved, disturbed to action, and grown through storms. I finally get what 1 Peter has been teaching me "But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." I can rejoice that because of suffering I can relate to the rest of the world. I can minister to anyone because everyone goes through storms. I can see the need for Christ that people have. I can know Christ better. That is something to rejoice about!
I have been reading through 1 Peter in my quiet times, and as I have posted earlier a lot of 1 Peter is about suffering and trial. Trial and suffering are two things very close to my heart. I understand that might sound strange, but I am going to explain.
This weekend in the midst of a wedding celebration I ran into an old friend, and right there at the reception we began to talk about the storm that she has been walking through in her life. She has been struggling with the storm of infertility and miscarriage. I was moved by the pain she was going through. A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with a co-worker about her husband's diagnosis of kidney failure and his treatment options. I was struck by the storm ahead of her and by the overwhelming need to support her. I sat at church this morning and watched people tear up as our pastor preached on, what else, storms!! I thought about what the pain in their lives might be.
See, storms, pain, and suffering happen to us all. We are either coming out of a storm, going into a storm, or are in the middle of a storm. At this point it looks depressing, but what moves me about storms is Jesus in the midst of them.
I have never known the heart of Jesus more than when I have been in the middle of a storm. We read in Matthew 7: 24-27 today. "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash." My house before suffering was built on sand, but after the first storm of life came and knocked it down God has been slowly rebuilding it on rock. I finally have faith that can withstand the storms of life. What happens to the people who don't have that faith?
We then looked at Matthew 8: 24-26 "Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, "Lord, save us! We're going to drown!" He replied, "You of little faith, why are you so afraid?" Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm."
Just one chapter before God was warning us to build our faith on rock and not on sand, so that we are safe in the storms. The next chapter blew me away. First of all, the storm came without warning- isn't that just like life? We think we are smooth sailing and then out of no where life throws you a curve ball and you are in the middle of a storm you didn't see coming. Jesus is physically with the disciples at this point, and they think He is going to sleep right through their storm and they panic! Doubt immediately follows. Isn't that just like me? But what Jesus does next is the miracle- in one second he makes it- completely calm. Probably with just one word.
So, what this left me with was a burning desire to share the Jesus that is with me with others. I have been asking myself why it is easier for me to share my faith now? Because I have been through storms, and I have been with Jesus, and with a word he has completely calmed my soul. What do people do who don't have that? Where do they turn when their faith that is built on sand is destroyed and they are left facing the storm alone? I want so badly for people to know the Jesus that I have met. Being a believer and knowing Jesus intimately doesn't promise that there will not be storms. But being in a storm with Jesus is quite amazing, and the only way I can survive.
I have been moved, disturbed to action, and grown through storms. I finally get what 1 Peter has been teaching me "But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." I can rejoice that because of suffering I can relate to the rest of the world. I can minister to anyone because everyone goes through storms. I can see the need for Christ that people have. I can know Christ better. That is something to rejoice about!
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