Reality Check

Have you ever had a reality check happen when you weren't ready for it? Got up this morning and headed out the door for church with my cup of coffee, business as usual for Sundays...until I got to church. I began to listen to the message and before long started to feel convicted. God was holding a large magnifying lens over my heart and what I saw was shocking. The sin that was staring back at me was ugly. It was exposed. It needed to be dealt with. It was as if my pastor had watched my week play out and written his sermon to speak directly to me. There was scripture that I have read a million times but never once applied to this area of my life. It was as if I was seeing it for the first time- and maybe I was. I began to sink in my seat and wonder how such a perfect God, or anyone else for that matter could love me. I don't deserve His mercy and grace that He lavishes on me, but oh how I need it.
I prayed for a humble spirit earlier this week and God answered today. My pride revealed by my unwillingness to acknowledge my own sin. There it was staring right at me, and now it had to be dealt with. The good news is that the Word of God washed over me like cleansing water. I heard with my heart how I could address this sin, how there is an enemy against me, and how God's word says I can fight against it. God's word is so applicable. It is a weapon of mighty power. It will allow me to dig out and destroy this dark spot. I can expose it to the light of truth and allow God to deal with it. God's mercy has never felt so reassuring. My time of communion was bitter sweet. A broken sinner taking a part of the perfect lamb and feeling so undeserving, but so desperate for the repair it brings.
Now to humble myself at the feet of those that I have sinned against-not easy, but so necessary. Admitting that I am a sinner is a struggle for a perfectionist like me. It hurts my pride. But not admitting it hurts far more. I am a sinner who desperately needs the blood of a perfect savior and the power of a loving God. Holy holy holy is the Lord God almighty.