Growing Pains

This week has been normal in a lot of ways, but full of growing pains in others. I have been dealing with a lot of fears this week. A fear that I will lose patience as we are still in a time of waiting to move forward with the adoption process. A fear that somehow we will never get to the end of this process. A fear that the end result will not be a beautiful baby, but a failed adoption. I fear having to learn through more tragedy. I have been hearing messages this week about God teaching us through suffering and tragedy. I read in 1 Peter this morning about suffering and becoming more like Jesus through suffering. Can't help but wonder if God is preparing me to learn through suffering again.... Jesus suffered so many horrible things in His life for me. His love for me put him through unspeakable tragedy, but when faced with the thought of pain I find myself begging God not to allow it. I understand that fearing God's will for my life is not healthy, and it is also not of God. My enemy is hard at work trying to destroy my faith in God's love for me. God has an amazing plan for an abundant life for me- I know that deep down. God does allow suffering, but He also allows unspeakable joy, love, and growth.
My savior spoke louder than the enemy this morning. I got the reminder I needed reading a blog of a couple that I have never met. She was talking about her adoption in Russia. The only thing she wants her new son to remember at the end of his day is that she loves him. She wants to say to him, you are my son whom I love! I sat in front of my computer and cried. It hit me like a recking ball- How much more does God want to say to me- you are my daughter that I love dearly! God created parenthood, and He is the original father. It is a beautiful picture of His love for us. A tangible way for us to see His love. I can imagine in some small way His love for me when I think about the love I have for a child I have never met.
These growing pains are preparing me to be a mother. The patience that I am learning will no doubt serve me later when my children are being disobedient, or are late for their curfew. The ability to trust in God's plan no matter the situation will be implemented when my children stray from Him and I feel as if I have no control. The love that I now more deeply understand will one day be poured out on my children. Growing pains aren't easy, but they are so necessary. They will allow me to grow my faith and my family.