shift in focus

I made it.  I woke up yesterday morning with the same sense of dread I had been anticipating all week.  I felt a little sick to my stomach, and all I wanted to do was stay in my PJ's, drink lots of coffee, and run away in to a novel that had absolutely nothing to do with reality.  The good news is that God was not allowing that option.  I was committed to bring donuts and do the "youth hang out" on Sunday morning before church.  I climbed in the shower and breathed out one simple prayer "Lord, I am broken today. Please help me."  One foot in front of the other I got dressed and made it to church.  I smiled, said the words that were stuck in my throat "happy mothers day", and stood up to get ready to worship.
Singing praises to God was like a cool salve on aching wounds and slowly my focus shifted from my pain to my savior.  I sang these words "There is nothing Lord, that I want more, than to follow you."  God in a very loving fatherly way whispered back "are you sure?"  I woke up wanting nothing more than to be a mother on mothers day.  I wasn't being beaten up or chastised by the Lord, I was being gently reminded that I needed to shift my focus.  I began to sing that line like I wanted it and to quietly pray that God would build in me a desire for him that far out weighed my desire to be a mom. 
Next song I sang out "beautiful Jesus, beautiful savior, nothing is greater, brilliant creator, friend of mine."  Again God softly whispered back, do you really believe that nothing is greater than me?  I woke up thinking nothing would be greater than being a mom.  Immediately a senses of brokenness and repentance flooded through me.  I began to sing that song like I believed it.  I prayed that God would show me nothing is greater than Him.  I didn't need to be a mom this mothers day.  I needed to remember that there is nothing that I want more than to know my God who is greater than anything here on this Earth.
I was already beginning to settle into the love, comfort, and peace God was providing on this difficult day.  Then pastor Matt stood up on stage and knocked me over with a need so great it made me feel physically ill.  He said approx 996,000 people in Charlotte need the Lord, basically 83% of the people where I live are in need of salvation.  Out of the 106,000 evangelical churches 100,000 of them did not see even 1 person come to know Christ last year.  Not even one.  And to top things off 98% of Christians have never shared their faith.
O Lord, we are in desperate need to share the secret to fulfillment in you.  I know the way to a life that means more than just living day to day on this Earth and I must share it.  I have the key to eternal life and so many die every day and go to Hell. Lord, forgive me for focusing on myself.  Forgive me for waking up and the first person I feel for and think about is me.  Help me Jesus because I need to shift my focus.  There is so much work to be done for the kingdom and the focused workers are few.  That wasn't really what I expected mothers day to be like.  I am so thankful for a God that decided to meet me right where I was yesterday.  He reached down and pulled me out of the slimy pit of self pity and set me on the rock of salvation and urged me forward to serve Him. 
As church was ending I had a renewed focus and a renewed sense of purpose that God had lovingly placed in my aching heart.  I was about to leave when one of the women from church came up and wrapped her arms around me. She said she had a gift for me. While sitting behind me at church God had spoken a word to her.  He wanted her to tell me that he does hear my prayers.  God had a word just for me.  God had a plan for my Mother's Day.