I am small in this world after all

The theme of the last few weeks has been humility. I was listening to a sermon in the car on the way to work about marriage and out of a marriage sermon came my first lesson this week in humility.  The pastor said that we often feel like we have the right to things in this world like marriage, and kids.  In reality we don't have the right to any blessings, but God does often choose to bless us.  It is the heart behind feeling entitled to certain things that bothered me.  The realization that sometimes my anger at God for not blessing us with a family comes directly from the heart of feeling like I have the right to be a mom.  I don't have the right to any good thing in this world because I am a sinner who has fallen desperately short of the glory of God.  Having said that, God is still good to provide salvation through his son and blessing in our lives. 
The list of blessings in my life poured through my head, not blessings I had a right to, but blessings God wanted to give me even though I don't deserve them.  I immediately turned off the sermon and began to repent of the sin of pride. Telling God that I don't have the right to any of His blessings, asking for forgiveness for demanding a family, and for the pride of feeling like I deserve one.  I realize that anything outside of salvation is amazingly more than I deserve.  I was able to see that if God decides to bless us with a family it will be more than I deserve, not something I have the right to, or something I have earned.  There was a lot of freedom in that.  There was freedom in confessing sin, and in changing my perspective.  It takes away impatience in the waiting, it takes away anger, and it replaces all of those sinful feelings with humility.  It is good to realize that I am so blessed, and so undeserving. 
Lesson number 2 came at small group. I got up to go to small group after working the night before and not having slept very much that day.  To say the least I was not very fun to be around on the way. Dave lovingly informed me that I was being "a pill", and I was.  I was so focused on being sleep deprived, and having too many chores that went undone that I didn't prepare my heart for small group at all.  I stumbled up the stairs into small group and turned on the happy face.  We had a special speaker at small group that night.  A missionary from Chile.  I spent the next 2 hours listening to the amazing ministry he and his family are involved in.  He told stories of the street kids he has seen come to know the Lord, the lives that have been changed for eternity, his great need for financial support, and prayer.  I could feel myself shrinking in my seat.  My ridiculous attitude over lack of sleep melted away.  My stress over the most mundane things in life looked sickening in the light of what life should truly be about.  The lives changed by the truth of the gospel was the center of this family's world.  Where had my true center gone?  Again, the need to repent and set my mind on things above smacked me in the face. 
I am such a small part of this world.  My concerns are so insignificant in the light of the great commission.  My "needs" mean nothing in the scheme of eternal things.  It is a huge world after all and I am such a small part.  It is good to truly see your place.  It is healthy to feel insignificant.  It is peaceful to repent and have God strip the attitude away.  It is good to see how small I am in this world after all.