An enemy

I have an enemy.  I have someone in my life who personally seeks to destroy me.  He strips me of all hope. He whispers lies to me.  He attacks me so regularly that I am tempted to forget he is there.  He has been reeking havoc on me the past few weeks.  I nearly allowed him to steal everything I care about, including my faith. 

I have had a rough month.  I have not written in weeks on this blog, and that is a direct reflection of my inability to fight through the attacks Satan- the enemy- has been throwing my way.  Until today I did not realize that all of these trials that have been put in my path were from the enemy. I have been busy placing blame on my savior. What a cunning thing for the enemy to do- to wreck my life and then entice me to blame my savior.  The realization sent a wave of nausea over me.  I feel like throwing up when I think about all of the crap that Satan has gotten away with. I see it all around me. 

I saw it clearly today talking with a sweet friend who is going through trials that could only be placed there because she is trying desperately to follow the path God is calling her to.  She is a threat to Satan and he is in return trying anything he can to disrupt the glory that will be given to God when she gets where she is going.
I had this righteous anger today listening to what she is going through. I could see the hand of a deceitful enemy... and then it struck me.  That is the same hand messing with my life.  Anger.  That is what I feel.  I am mad at myself for not seeing the attack earlier.  I am heart sick that I have been questioning God's plan for me. 

This all came together when I received a letter in the mail today, immediately after meeting with my friend, from a minister that I keep up with.  He explained how something very disappointing happened in his life recently, something that he had been hoping and praying for, for years.  He was totally heartbroken. 

Here is an excerpt from the letter that pretty much sums up what has been happening to me:
 " Disappointment rushes in and feelings of not again...not again.  That feeling like if anything good is going to happen you've got to make it happen and it makes you feel so alone.  Doubts rush in about hearing the voice of God, which are about the worst doubts there are because it draws your whole relationship into question."

After he realized that his relationship with God was being drawn into question he began to pray.  His prayer was like reading my inner most dialogue on paper, so instead of me writing it, I am going to copy his prayer for you.

" Jesus, I love you.  Help me with this."
God's response- You felt hurt by this
"Yes, I was.  I really hoped that finally, finally, it would all come together. I thought it was going to be a beautiful ending. It hurts to feel like you don't care"
God's response- You blame me
"Yes, I do.  I mean, I prayed hard, and it didn't happen.I thought you were in it.  I thought I was following your voice"
God's response- what is the pain?
" Well, it hurts to feel like you don't care, like you aren't even listening.  It hurts also to think I wasn't hearing from you."
God's response- So you feel betrayed.
" Yes. I do. But I can't blame that on you.  I think the thing that hurts me most deeply is, why does something that matters so deeply to me not seem to matter to you at all?"

God's response-  Every joy is deeply opposed.

There it was.  TRUTH.  Every joy is deeply opposed.  Every good and amazing thing God is doing is going to be opposed by the enemy.  The more glory that God is going to receive and the better it is  for us, the more opposition we will experience.  What that  means is God is doing something truly amazing in my life because the opposition is almost unbearable.  I am under fire, but the hope that surged through me today was that it is not because God doesn't care, or because God is the one firing upon me.  I am under fire because an amazingly loving God is trying to pour out joy over me.  He is fighting for me just as hard as the enemy is, and the good news is that God will always win.  I am HIS.  I am not a child of the enemy. 

There is hope because where there is opposition there is JOY waiting.  Praise the Lord!  Now I can place anger and blame with whom it lies- with satan.  I can fight for joy.  I can withstand attack and know how to fight when I know who the enemy is. So, if you are under attack and you are a child of God it is because there is an unspeakable joy waiting for you.  Fight!